Dear Former Lover,
So, I realized recently that I had been lying to myself. For the past year, I was holding on to us. It wasnt my fault alone, you helped to unconsciously keep my mind focused on you and us and the possibilities that arise literally when we are together. I walked around with our secret only known to a close few. Now I realize that its time for me to tell you that I never got over you. I find myself comparing men to you, not just you but the love filled sex that you provided me with. The emotions that we let build without asking for a permit. I find myself missing every inch of you and constantly comparing new lovers to you. Finding it hard to go on with other men. Ive aborted at least two possible connections with two people I might have had a fighting chance with. I kept thinking maybe its me maybe these men just wanted to use me...then I think about my actions and I realize that maybe they read me before I even put this thought on paper. My actions are those of a callus individual who wanders around seeking self-satisfaction and immediate gratification. And after its won, I take twelve steps backwards in an attempt to have him abandon me because he is not who I wanted. I really wanted you. You showed me though that that while there were feelings of mine you tried to spare you were really careless with my heart. You came all this way home, brought her with you, even though I knew you would....I guess I was waiting for you to tell me, and then still didnt even try to see me. Your half ass attempt was just that half-assed. Yet somehow my college education didnt prepare me for this lesson that you taught me. Ironically enough, you scarred my heart. How did it get involved though? I should have stopped fucking with you the first time I did, because it was when I went back that I ruined myself. I allowed myself to be taken on this trip. You left me twice. Moreover, the third time you came back home, heaven and earth stood in the way of that meeting. I did not understand until today. This very moment writing these words I would have been infected had we fed off each others lust. *deep sigh* and so to you I say I wish you nothing but happiness and success, Im sure somewhere along our history ive said words similar to this. Yet, I mean it this time. Our communications has to cease to exist. You have her, and whoever else your hiding....and Im ok. I wont be here for your pleasure if you are ever to return home, and should I happen to be in the same state as you the same rules apply. I wont lie, *bites lip* id love to have you between my hips. But I know what devastation it will cause. I guess I lied to myself and I did love you. I loved you from my soul, Its because we became friends. As I approach 29 in a few short weeks the lesson learned is that no you cant be lovers and friends. I can have lovers and I can have friends but I can never have you. I dont need you to respond with anything, not even an im sorry it wont mean anything to me. Its time for me to cleanse my soul of you and its going to take some time but I cant approach every new guy with you weighing so fucking heavy on my mind. Life has a way of sneaking things on you when you allow yourself to get caught....its time for me to wave goodbye to you. it was fun and now its not.
I used my lips to kiss making this more passionate then I wanted it to be
I am unsure about how this will go and I donít know if I wanna take it slow
I mean I said I was committed and indeed he is too but when we get together
Its something brand new...one night has me making plans
Tryna make you my man and hoping that you understand
Praying that your not just playing and these feelings have no expiration
I wanna call you, I wanna text you, but I donít wanna seem desperate
How could I let you flip the script that I worked so hard to write
How and why do I miss you, want you next to me more then inside me
Damn I shouldnít have kissed you
there is a dude in my phone whose name is dude with nice cock but wack stroke.....dont judge me
I am feeling a bit forgotten and cast off to the side. Its almost as though...my issues dont matter because they are not yours. While i carry yours, mine, and anyone else who needed me to listen. Almost as if its my fault like i cant be there...its been how many weeks and unless i bring it to your attention i dont think you understand my apprehension and this tension has just begun. the truth about being honest is that you have to lie to yourself in order to break out of society's mold, u know the one that says dont pass go. Its almost like a vision of blurriness...and im only fighting me because u have forgotten and i dont really care to have to remind you.
i slept with two guys in one night...
DICKtated not Read.
despite what people may think about my sexual appetite. I sometimes do enjoy momentary breaks from penis....Sometimes you just need to sit and think for five minutes..so i put my pussy on pause for a while and sometime last week this bitch said...yea no sorry...time to be taken off...and so i have. All I know is..if this new prospect gets any...and he is headed in that direction...man o man is he in for a treat...wonder what his dick tastes like? mmmmm cant wait!
i suddenly feel as though nothing i want will truly come to fruition....i am just hoping that this is not the way it is.
thought to yourself that you wish some people would grow the fuck up....i have...i do...daily...its like...why keep repeating the same dumb ass behavior thinking that something will miraculously happen....i am not sure...then they complain about the fact that they are mad about something thats really no one else's fault but their own.... shrugs...i guess....
I’m so lonely
No one in the world but me
No one understands the hurt be me
No words to explain
My heart beats
Every time I think your name
My eye blinks
Then my mind runs across your face
My brain freeze
Nothing to change the game
It must be
I had to let go of the day
Cause it won’t be
Nothings a fairytale
My heart hurts
My head hurts
The sad songs
They do no wrong
They comfort me
They comfort me…
to be in love is a wonderful experience and the devastation that heartbreak brings is tragic. but to give up on love because it has not worked to your belief is more tragic then the heartbreak its self. you see, love is a responsibility. the word love is easy to say but the actions behind it are greater than the concept of it. The responsibility of being with a person and seeing beyond the imperfections is one aspect and yes by all means to truly love someone for who they are means seeing their personality and knowing that it wont change coupled with the understanding that this is what you are willing to take on. To be in love also means that you have to remember who you are and what you want and where you stand. Love did not say over look the signs of failure. Love is not stronger then a lie. Love can not heal everything. I dont know how many of us understand though that love is naturally jealous. Love is selfish, Love does not wish to be shared beyond that one person. Love is a variant and many people who are all different can be loved by you in different ways. when your heart is broken understand that the love it once held wont hold the same. Think of your heart like a mirror...and while even a broken mirror can be pieced back together the cracks remain. but what does that mean? that you cant love again because it broke? No, it means that it will never break that way again. no two people will break your heart the same and thats why we pick up the pieces and re group them. we all deal with heartbreak differently, and by now your probably asking where the responsibility of love comes in. The responsibility of love and being in love comes in where while being in love with someone you are still able to see a situation clearly. Love does not blind us, what blinds us and often leads us down the path to heartbreak is our natural ability to dislike change. you see, as humans we like comfort and routine. And when you have found that person and you are in the routine of love and being in love and being happy, you neglect the signs of destruction. often times the signs are there and others can see them. but we are so callus to our own ignorant bliss and our love irresponsibility that we deny that and pretend like things are okay. We are all blessed with the power to know when things are not good for us, but we are not all strong enough to be able to walk away when we need to. Not all love is meant to last forever, and not all love is meant to be monogamous. Understand the love that you are in and live each day like its a new. Do not dwell on the times when things were good, Do not dwell on the times they are bad. Live each moment in the present. Love with great responsibility and love with honesty. If it is meant to be a lasting love it will be and if not and your heart gets broken dont go back down that path but turn a new instead. remember this, we have the ability to love everyone we meet and the choice to not. so again, please i urge you to love responsibly.
there is this guy that im digging, ive only seen him once...it was by chance...he was fine; is fine. tall dark, everything i want with a lil something im not so into...but no worries...its not like i haven't been down a road similar to this. i have. shrugs...like i was saying, i saw him and there was that eye contact...u know the kind that if two people have...usually means someones penis will be escorted into my vagina...that look....*giggle* i have a crush....o my! but then i saw him three more times in that one day...and i knew...deep in my pussy i knew...this would be my next conquest....lol...matter of fact there are two!.....and all it took was for my lover to move.....smh...imagine im f- wait let me stop...imma use this word mad light im faithful to my lover...while and if he is here...cause he is just that a lover..and not ment to be the dick for me all year....but these two i now speak of....one whose sexiness i never noticed the other i just never noticed...hmm wonder if they like threesomes?????
i wanna gargle it, make it wet, slap it around my face, play with just the head, juggle his balls, caress his shaft....man i cant wait to get that long thick beast in my hands...guide it to my mouth and trace my lips...look up and ask daddy u ready for this? get him lost in my throat and keep him close till he explodes in my mouth and i swallow the sweet familiar...yum, ive got plans...and they involve my lips and that dick
I made a video of me playing wit my pussy the other night...two days ago to be exact and today i sent it to him...hope he enjoys it as much as i enjoyed making it
So nothing was suppose to happen but it did, i admit i did nothing to stop it; he came over and before you knew it we were selecting which condom we would be using. I bent over, obeying his every command. He entered.. mmm, his dick was so thick, long, fit so perfectly in me. Felt so good entering my wetness... I couldn't resist, I began throwing back on his dick... He just stood there and took it like the good boy I knew he was. But shortly thereafter he stopped me, he told me i was so tight and that i wasn't the one that was to be in control. So as before i obeyed him and stopped popping my juicy pussy on his succulent dick. He turned me over on my back and slipped his dick inside of me ever so slowly... I like that. But i realized that he remained on the same tempo, which was extremely slow. I said nothing but just let him take control, thinking things would speed up some more... Well it sure didn't he said, "man, your so tight, mmmm... i can't".... and before you knew it... he came. There i laid, no more than a minute later after this began... Do I give him another chance? I really want to, I mean, his dick is nothing to throw away. It deserves to be trained and adored. Oh... He was soooo beautiful, i think i want to taste him on the next encounter...
its 7am on a friday morning, and i should be getting ready for the day, Its not gonna be a long one, but at the same time i have a lot to accomplish. but...i cant stop thinking about him.....how much i want to have sex with him,. the things i want to do to/with/for him...how i want to ride his face then lick my juices off and suck on his dick...have u seen that shit? hmmmm its my screensaver on my phone....its so gorgeous and thick....just...damn i had to lick my lips....i want to take my time and use my tongue all over his body...play with his balls in my mouth....i can juggle...but he doesnt know that...yet....i want to beat his dick over my face and squeeze him between my breats and have him suck on my nipples...fell his lips kissin and sickin on them hungrily..rubbing that penis...oh yes that dick all over these thihgs and tease this pussy, his pussy...part her lips with the head of that dick hmmmm his dick while he is kissin me...whisperin in my ear "whose pussy is this" right as he is about to enter....I really want to have sex with you...my niples are calling out for your tounge...smh....the things i wanna do to him..his hands i wanna feel all over my body...touching me like he created me and needed to make sure all her parts were really that perfect....they are...there yours...hmm...im going to go take a shower
my pussy is wet... but thats not why im really writing to you... i have a confession... last night while taking a drive, i was on the phone with someone who holds a special place in my kitty... anyways, i began touching myself as i drove, i made sure to let him know... he began to make it hard for me to drive, so i pulled over on the side of the highway and began touching her (my kitty) uncontrollably. He could hear the moans and splashes, which made his dick hard... i enjoyed the pics he sent me of his dick being jacked... he is so sexy and i cant wait to meet him... i wanna taste him.
i get alot of penis pictures sent to me here and there along the way...and i dunno....u guys ever slept with someone a long time ago and then see the penis again and think....huh.....its a tad small...just....a thought
listen, i just wanted to let you know that i love you, yes someone does...it might not be the one you want to love you..but yet isnt it how it always is?
to understand and accept the end as the beginning..its not easier said than done. to allow change to conquer habit..is when you know you have won. But to allow fear to overpower all your emotions and leave you without peace...is when you have lost the simplicity in it all. You see its so easy for me to sit here and watch the words appear on the screen one letter at a time. but how many of us think that its actually an amazing thing. The other night i thought to myself in the shower that satellites are pretty friggin awesome. i mean think about it, we live on an island surrounded by nothing but ocean and somehow we are still able to connect to the internet, have cell phone towers, and also watch tv....like WOW, lol....im only trying to say that its that simple...life is...at least to me...when you break it down and think of how complex things are...and your realize that something as simple as the concept of time and space is simply amazing.
ord, i come to u for serenity, a piece of mind. There are some things I just can't shake off, some things i cant let go of... He is one of them, or at least the main one. Or what if he isnt even it... What if my problems lie lower down and I use our suppression as an escape... I dont know, that's why I'm coming to you Lord. Please help me, lead me in the direction that will ease my pain, head, and assure me of a brighter days. I love you, and i want to love me, but i need serenity... grant me that dear Lord. Amen
i think i might be bisexual.....but i mean, she can eat me out...but i dont think that i am ready to eat her out....i may be willing to play with her breasts and kiss her on the lips....maybe even fuck me with a strap on....but...i dont know how far i can reciprocate.....lets take this one day at a time...
hmmm... would u let me spit a few words on ur mic and maybe swallow ur thoughts... All in the sake of knowledge..
When I c u my pussy gets wet, when I think of u she pulsates... u make my nipples hard, writing this is just turning me on... I picture u inside of me... Ur dick sliding in as my walls grip his tenderness... mmmm... did u feel that... *squirt... u made me do that.... there it was again... mm, ur dick inside of me is so erotic so divine... yes daddy, fuck me... mmm... fuck this pussy... I've been a bad girl, punish me with ur cock... beat me with it, on my ass, my pussy, on my face... stick it bad in my kitty... yes stuff her with ur dick... Make her swallow every inch... ur dick... just u, this is what you do to me...
i wish i knew why some people just suddenly act like your not there....I mean i guess the attachment never formed but still....i think i read to deeply into things at time. I mean i thought we had a connection...but i was apparently wrong...and im not judging you know im not really even mad at the situation....im just hurt...yea hurt it the right word....i am hurt to think that you or anyone else... wouldn't even give me the decency to at least say how you really feel...i feel like i give ample people that respect..cause u know what...the truth yea it hurts but when you pretend that i dont exisit or that i just fell off the face of the earth although im sitting across from you in the room....that...wow...that hurts (Brian McKnight just came on... splash) and you probably feel it shouldnt right cause your stronger than that...but hey...we are all human..and really i just wanna know why you would do that to me....* shrugs* .....damn....i feel like a bitch....
I need her to be strong so that i can be strong also, but its been a minute and she hasn't eaten. i dont know how much longer i can contain her, she is ready to explode and be taken advantage of. as we speak she is here drenched in a pool of thick wetness making every move almost climatic, and all she is hearing is his voice recanting times of erotic pleasure...the way his dick feels, the way my pussy tightens, mentions of 69's and back shots, and squirting and i cant stop...she is leaking and shaking and vibrating, the poor batteries that i will kill tonight...the birthday sex i got ......the birthday sex i gave......the way i say your name....shit, i might need to excuse my self and go into the rest room and fix this itch real quick....my juices would flow down his hand...and then he would make me stand....only the wind carrying my screams could tell the story better than us....damn i wish i could just sit on your face one more time, every time...but right now...i need her to be strong....and maintain her composure.....until and if we meet again.....
I need to admit to you, that I....me....I am afraid to be....with...anyone....for years, i have sabotaged on purpose every relationship that i have been in with a man....no matter what he may think of me....maybe he only wanted to fuck...maybe he wanted to make me his wife, but in the end the decision is mine....and i choose to not be...because my heart cant take the unknown...i know how to love i just dont know how to be loved...or to let love in...without the anxiety and the jealousy and the emotions that come with....but i also dont want to be alone....there are few who i wish i had let love me....and one who i wish never hurt me.....but in the end...its all me...because i am a little damaged...its not anything that cant be healed...because it can...i just dont know how to leave the wound alone...i hope i learn soon though, because i do want you and i do want to love.